Memories.

The past couple weeks, i've constantly been having dreams about two close friends of mine. The kind of dreams that are so real, where you wake up confused and wondering where you are. Small details of childhood and teenage bedrooms (from New Kids on the Block posters, to a plaque that said, "But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart"), home-school trips, youth group activities, holidays together, sleepovers, writing notes to each other to pass at Church, trying to give ourselves makeovers with Mary Kay makeup, watching Alfred Hitchcock movies, pool parties, playing in forts built in creepy woods, digging underground caves in sand (aka "the hole" for those who read this and might remember) waaaay back on the property at my childhood home...there are seriously so many funny, emotional, happy, sad, embarrassing, crazy, everything-memories about these two friends.

A typically embarrassing sleepover for Rachel's birthday

Though i don't think they ever met here, they had a lot in common. Very strong personalities, outgoing, friendly - but yet don't cross them, or mess with their family:) They also have in common that they fought cancer as hard as they could. But God called them home. Still something i have a really hard time accepting. And i'm just the friend. Not the family. Not the Mom or Dad, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, or Sibling. I'm not the person who still lives in the house where either of these women grew up. Where they had children of their own, decorated just right with the perfect curtains, sat on that favorite chair, made pancakes for everyone in that kitchen, played games at that table....this is something i have been thinking about for a long time. Just that i want both families to know, Mary and Rachel are not forgotten. I will never, ever forget them.

Mary, me, and our friend Bob going to a dance - rocking crushed velvet:)

Time is not making my memories any less clear...remembering the sound of laughing, talking about boyfriends, planning weddings, sharing husband stories, having babies. Those hard, or light-hearted, talks about fighting cancer, the ones that were specifically not talking about cancer - "can we just talk about anything BUT cancer?"...i just feel privileged to have had them. That they knew they could talk to me, be 100% honest. And that they could forgive me for not being a great friend all the time.

At Mary's highschool graduation.

My heart still hurts for their families, and for 3 boys who don't have a Mom here on earth. It's not fair. I feel like i won't ever understand it, and i hope i can have a grown up mentality about it someday soon, and stop thinking it had to be a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes. And i don't have any less faith or trust in Him, i truly don't. But i have screamed, "WHY??", into my pillow more than once. And i still have a huge lump in my throat, and questions in my mind so often.

At a beach 5k with Rachel. AKA, getting my butt handed to me:)

I am eternally thankful for their friendship, thankful that God planned to put them in my life. And really, really thankful for memories.

~Sue