Remembering Rachel - My Speech from her Funeral.

When Rachel asked if I would speak at her funeral a few months ago, she was almost apologetic about it! She didn’t want anyone to feel pressured into it. I told her I would feel honored to do it, even though I hoped and prayed I would never have to. Then the panic set in…I don’t have the best track record with talking to people one on one, much less speaking in front of a congregation full! But then I realized that Rachel knew all these things about me, and asked me anyway. So after a lot of thought, I decided to go with what I know best about Rachel and share it with you – our friendship.

Rachel and I became friends so long ago, I can’t even remember NOT having her in my life. She had the bathtub pictures to prove it, thankfully they are not making an appearance. I’m pretty sure she was my first sleepover, the first of so many. We watched Hitchcock movies, had many deep, spiritual conversations about which boy in NKOTB was the cutest, we tried on all her Mom’s dresses, shoes, and jewelry while dreaming of being grown ups. We made endless banners on her Dad’s printer, and would climb in the rafters over the workshop which, in hindsight, was not so smart.

For always being so beautiful and put together, she never hesitated to get dirty – I think every time we got together, we had to build some kind of amazing fort in her woods, or dig a fort in the sandy area at my house. One of our favorite things to do was work on our Secret Garden together at my house. We spent hours getting the paths just right, using vines as swings, making up stories and making it the perfect place to hide from our brothers and sisters.

We also loved making special snacks for our sisters, Betty and Bonnie. You would never believe that my sweet friend Rachel would come up with interesting recipes for them to try, the one I clearly remember was a dessert…apples and cinnamon…but ON these apples was about 1/2c of vinegar, and the cinnamon was actually cayenne pepper. We’d watch them eat it and laugh so hard! And they always graciously forgave us….and would trust us again. I can’t decide if we were really mean, or they just weren’t very smart.

At some point we had lost touch, and my brother Tim ran into her at his job and gave her my number. The day after this, my phone rang and it was Rachel. We picked up right where we left off, and had such a great time catching up on each other’s lives. My husband and I were about to move, and Rachel who was 6 months pregnant with Dane at the time, didn’t hesitate to help and borrowed her Dad’s big truck to help us move! We had talked ONE time, and she happily went above and beyond to help us.

We moved to Erial, a stone’s throw from her home in Pine Hill.  She helped me with everything! From shampooing carpets, taking down wallpaper, painting, stenciling – we did so much together. She was actually the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant! She even helped me come up with the idea of how to tell Mike the next day. She was so excited for us to be having our children so close. We also had our second children together! When I told her I was expecting again, about 10 days later she tore into my driveway, banging on the door with 3 pregnancy tests in her hand and Dane on her arm saying, “can YOU see 2 lines?!”. Ethan and Harry were born 12 days apart. She did not, however, care to join me with my third, fourth, then fifth pregnancies.

We both had decided early on we were going to homeschool our kids, and at some point she managed to talk me into joining her homeschool coop. I did NOT want to! I like to be home, keep to myself, and be with my kids – I remember her telling me she made herself do it for her boys, because she would rather be home as well. I don’t know if I actually believed that though! I think she felt it was her cross to bear, trying to force me to be social and do fun things! She always told me that she felt so nervous inside doing so many things, which anyone who knew her would find hard to believe. She was the ULTIMATE outgoing woman, sister, daughter, wife, mother and friend. She may have felt nervous inside, but Rachel had a way of making everyone feel – in a sincere way – that they were her oldest, closest, and best friend. She made others feel important and loved.

When she would come to my house, she would go straight to the kitchen and get the biggest mug I had, fill it with either coffee or tea with honey, and just sigh while sinking into a chair. We would eat scones and talk about everything going on in our lives from homeschool to husbands. Everyone knows how health conscious she was, and how irritating that can be to someone who does not have that self control, so every Fall I would buy candy corn…I hate it. I think it might very well be made of plastic, but Rachel LOVED it. She would get a frown and say, “oh no”…and take handful after handful, finally yelling at me, “SUE GET THIS AWAY FROM ME!”. Her favorite of the cookies I would make at Christmas were the butterscotch haystacks, and I would always have to make a dozen extra because it was the one thing she would give in and eat lots of, usually while we talked about what to get our husbands for Christmas. I remember one year the crazy lengths she went to for a gift, involving out-running a woman to get the latest game system for her husband. We were on the phone and all I heard was, “oh no you’re NOT!” and heard pounding feet! Needless to say, she got it. How far she would go for her family and friends was amazing.

A month or so after I had started running, she said she wanted to give it a try. I half heartedly told her when my next 5k was. I say half heartedly, because with how Rachel was, I knew she would not only do this well, but totally kick my butt and look amazing doing it. So we met at the race, and her very first 5k was under 29 minutes. I will tell you now, that was my fastest 5k because I was desperately trying to keep up with her while pretending I was NOT out of breath. We ended up doing a bunch of races together, and she did many with her cousins and sister. And I learned to just run at my turtle pace, accept that I am not fast, and not try to keep up with Rachel. It was best for my health. She said running became her release, her time for herself and she was so passionate about it. Even reconnecting with an old college friend to do a Half Marathon – her second of the year, around this time last year.

I think an amazing quality she had was being able to be friends with so many people in so many different walks of life. And every friendship was unique and so special and important to her! I often wondered how or why someone so outgoing, friendly, beautiful, and interesting would want to be friends with ME! Especially after meeting so many of you, I can understand why she would be friends with you! Something everyone here can hold onto is the fact that Rachel loved you all, and held you in a special place in her heart. Every single different friend was a huge priority and very dear to her.

When Rachel found out she had cancer, she told me she was scared but that she believed in God’s plan for her. She trusted God. Through treatments and hospitalization, we had so many phone calls, texts, emails and conversations. Late nights or early morning, my phone would buzz and I always knew it was Rachel, She would ask if I was awake, and then we would talk for hours. Though at times my own faith was rattled by why God was allowing this, she would always confidently say she trusted Him. We had so many personal, wonderful, sad, happy, hard, and hopeful talks during this long fight with cancer, and I always felt so honored that she was in my life and saw me as her friend…someone she knew she could confide in or call on at any time.

Quite a few times when she had just gotten bad news, I would come to her house and we would just sit together. Sometimes there are no words, and just sitting quietly is all you can do…showing someone as much as possible, that they are not alone. About a month ago, Rachel’s friend Michelle and I were visiting with Rae, and it was one of the GREAT of the good days that she had towards the end. She was talking about how so many people were reaching out to her, telling her that she, through her constant faith in this grim situation, had encouraged them to start or renew a relationship with God. In what I can only say was surprise or shock, she told us how she didn’t understand how God was using her to minister to others, when so many people were ministering to her. She had an extremely humble spirit. I’m not saying she was perfect, because none of us are, but through this awful disease attacking everything, through every set back, through dealing with every worst case side effect of every medication or surgery, she was constantly giving it to God - wanting to use this pain to glorify God. To win someone to God with her story. And all this while not understanding how God could use, and was using her!

One of the last things she said to me was that she wished we could have a sleepover, me and her. And it was so sweet that even in a medicated hallucination, that was something happy she remembered, and was dreaming about. In closing, I would just like to share this thought. That we are all still here, because God is not finished His work in us yet, but she is gone, NOT because a disease took her, but because He did finish His work in her. She had become, after 35 years, and at 5:30 on Wednesday, who God had always planned for her to be, so she closed her eyes. She closed her eyes to pain, and opened them to joy. She closed her eyes to this world of death, and opened them to Eternal Life. She closed her eyes here to her precious family, and opened them to her Savior. 

I am so thankful for that promise! Knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that because she served Jesus Christ, that we will see her again. I am so happy that she is now healed. I will miss her so much, but I’m happy she isn’t in pain anymore. I will always remember my old and possibly first friend. I am blessed that God planned for us to be friends, and I look forward to seeing her again someday.
~Sue