Always Never...

That is my mood this week. My house is always NEVER clean. My kids are always NEVER in the mood to learn, be kind, or be clean. I realize none of this is true (about the kids, not the house - THAT is true.), but it feels true sometimes. For instance, i swept the floor, which already needs to be swept again, and in the pile?

-a naked barbie
-5 popsicle wrappers
-chewed gum
-disturbing amounts of hair
-cheerios
-legos
-corn

This happens every. day. We own a trash can, many of them. But things are thrown on the floor. Usually causing me to become overwhelmed with emotions and be holding back very angry, hurt, and frustrated tears, and start mentally saying things i can't say out loud. I know, i know, i shouldn't think those things either, but it happens. Messiness causes me to feel more crazy than normal. And since our house is almost always in some state of extreme mess, i guess i'm not sure what it's like to feel normal. If you open closets, you are greeted by an avalanche - depending on what closet, you get different results. Most of the time, you can't see the floors in the kids bedrooms. There are splatters of i don't know what on every surface. Baseball gear everywhere. 4 bikes and a jog stroller IN. MY. LIVINGROOM. I just want a clean house. Apparently, no one else feels the same.

Also on the always never list? Feeling like i know what i am doing with homeschooling. This is all we have ever done. I should have it in the bag. And some days, i feel pretty good. THEN...you get around those Moms. The ones who are teaching their 1yr old the art of hieroglyphics on real papyrus sent from Cairo, their 3yr old how to speak fluent Hebrew while they recreate the temple scene where Jesus knocked over the store tables in clay (to be later put in the fire kiln they MADE, glazed and made into a statue..*sigh*), the 6 year old does advanced calculus, plays the harp, and gives lectures at the art museum, and the 8 yr old has a college degree and is preparing to go on to medical school, and just to put more salt in the wound - they are all happy. They love to learn. They want to learn. And that Moms house is clean. I'm not even kidding when i say i sometimes drive around longer after these "play dates" because i don't want to go home to my messy house. I don't know how they do it. I make myself feel better saying, "they don't have 5 kids...they don't have a toddler"...but usually, they do. And they make it work. Gloriously.

Oh, and i have also been known to go on Facebook or Amazon on my phone when a group of wonder-Moms start talking curriculum. Because i always never know what they are even talking about.

Wonder-Mom, "Did you try the new level of science busters, phase 6, with the block of learning charts, number settings, pyramid set-up, and extra blaaa blaaa blaaa"
Me, *thinking*, "well hello, Amazon...yes, i do need k-cups and a yellow scarf".

And then we get home from these play dates, i open the door, get smacked in the face with an aroma i can't figure out (never a good one), i get coffee, take 3 ibuprofen....and maybe i watch Housewives of New Jersey, and wish i had a ridiculous tan, ridiculous nails, and fun clothes. Because you know what else? I always never look nice - for more than about 5 minutes. I sweat. I have a toddler. I spill my coffee. I get oatmeal wiped on me while said toddler smiles.

I don't even have a point with writing this today...i just wonder if anyone else feels like this. Where you are always hoping and waiting for the "perfect" to start, but in reality, you need to accept the giant, sticky, sweaty, mess that your life is. And...ugh...here it comes... ENJOY it. Easier said than done. But i'm trying.
~Sue